To Blog or Not to Blog

This is my internal debate right now. It has been a while. I just haven't felt like sharing life the last couple of months. The holidays flew by and were punctuated with sadness and sickness. I can't say I was really into it this year. There was the 5 year mark of my dear friend Diana losing her battle with cancer, and then the next day my friend met and said good-bye to her sweet, newborn baby boy in a matter of 45 minutes. Talk about a reality check. My parents came in for Thanksgiving and loved on us and spoiled us which was needed. But as Christmas started to descend I just didn't feel up to it. What was the point? We still got a tree and did cookies, but I definitely wasn't enjoying the anticipation and season like I usually do. Then the day before Christmas Eve my 6 week old niece Violet was admitted to the hospital for RSV-bronchiolitis. Long story short: they were in the hospital 10 days. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Sorry if I sound a bit Scrooge-like. Needless to say I was ready for January 1st to hit so I could move on and move past.

Now here we are, 9 days in. At the forefront of my mind is baby boy...I'm 34 weeks and uncomfortable and hoping the next weeks fly by. I'm trying to get a space set up for this life who is entering our lives. I'm excited and nervous. It's been 4 years. What will a baby do to our little family of 4? Probably make it only more fabulous than it already is, but it's hard to fathom. And I know what is coming once this little guy enters the world...loss of sleep, loss of freedom, etc. but I dare not complain. I have a friend who would give anything right now for loss of sleep due to the sweet cry of a baby. And I hate that. I hate that my child is probably going to be born healthy and strong and hers wasn't. It pisses me off. And so I choose to be thankful for this uncomfortable pregnant stage. Thank-you Lord that I can't get comfortable at night because I have a healthy son forming inside. Thank-you that he kicks my ribs and my bladder and bruises my insides because that means he has legs and arms that work. Thank-you for the pain of labor, sore boobs, and nursing pads. Thank-you that I will nurse this child, and wake-up with him night after night, and change hundreds of diapers, and deal with all that is to come. Thank-you for those blessings.

Whoa, that is not where I planned on this post going, but there it is. Maybe I had some things in my heart that needed to get out. Didn't realize it but I'm typing with tears pouring down my cheeks. So I'm going to stop now. I'll pick up where I left off later. I'm still deciding about this whole blog thing but once again, it seems pretty pale in comparison with life right now.