Supercalifragalisticexpialadocious

Do you really want to know why I haven't been blogging lately? Hmmm? Why I feel extremely insecure and just yuck right now? Well, here you go. I may as well just tell you.

Bun in oven. With child. PREGNANT! Due mid-February.

And don't get me wrong...I'm excited. Or at least I will be when I get over this stinking hump of a first trimester.

But let me be clear...I think part of my problem is that I'm a tiny bit nervous. This pregnancy is completely different. For those of you who know my past experiences get this, I've only thrown up 3 times. 3. I know! I'm not really sick! I have to eat little snacks pretty constantly or I do start gagging a bit (sorry if that is TMI). Otherwise, I'm not too bad. Except at night. If I stay up too late there is a good chance I could lose my evening snack. There are a couple of other symptoms that I have this time that I didn't have with the girls. So why nervous, you ask?

Well, when you know so many people who have had miscarriages or worse and you have never had any problems, you start to think that maybe it should be your turn. And I know that is false and a lie, but it sits there in the back of my mind as I wonder why I'm not feeling worse. Plus, I went to my first doctor visit yesterday (I'm 9 weeks) and they didn't listen to the heartbeat. I just sat with a nurse practitioner and answered a bunch of questions. Maybe I should have just asked to hear it, but I'm finding they do things different here than they do in LA ( I miss you Dr. Nelson!). I won't actually have my first exam until 11 weeks. So I have to wait two more weeks.

So, why insecure you ask? Well, I'm in that stage, where the uterus starts to grow but all you see from the outside is my belly fat being pushed out. Stuff is too tight and just doesn't fit right. Plus, I recently discovered that somewhere between LA and PA I started not really caring or something. My closet is depressing. I am tired of looking like a frump. So I basically want to hide in my house in my comfy pants until I look pregnant and can get some cute prego clothes.

But even now I feel like crap for even caring about something as stupid as clothes when my friends Mark & Mary are going through the ringer. I just want to smack myself sometimes. If you are a praying person feel free to read their story and send some thoughts their way. They are still in limbo, just waiting week to week.

So that is why I haven't blogged. Because everything about my life right now has revolved around baby and I have been too tired to care. Plus, I'm quitting my job in the next month or so. We came to that decision about a month ago and it has me a bit stressed out. We don't need my income to live, but we need it if we are going to get rid of this debt. But when it comes to our core values having me at home is more important. I am looking into a couple of options for working at home though. Just a lot on our plates I guess.

So my friends, please pray. Pray against nerves, pray for my friends, pray for a healthy baby, pray God's will in regards to a second income. I haven't announced this to the Facebook world yet but I wanted the important people to know. : ) So keep it under wraps a bit longer please.

And we are very excited. Especially Anna. She is absolutely set that it is a boy and we are naming him Michael. I keep telling her not to get her hopes up, and that we will not be naming him Michael. She gets a bit mad at me when I tell her that. I should just explain that since I am the one that has to look like this...

...and I still had 4 weeks to go...that I get to pick the name. It's just one of the trade-offs right?