In case you haven't noticed I took a bit of a break. I've been pondering (again) this here bloggy-blog. Beth Moore had a bit to do with it. The business had a bit to do with it. And life just gets busy. I feel like I keep coming back to the reasons I blog. But, I have found that during this hiatus that I miss it. I miss sitting down and pouring out my questions and quandries. My hopes and dreams. My funny and sad. Recording the kiddos and all of their wonderful craziness. This here blog was priceless last week when I needed to remember when I started learning about trafficking and slavery. I just backtracked a few years and there it was. I'm so bad at journaling in writing form that if I want to keep a record of things it's gonna have to be on here.
Sometimes I think it all comes down to me and my insecurities. That is the area I've always struggled in and it's what gets attacked when I let my guard down. Which it has been. Bad Andrea. I start questioning friendships, callings, abilities, etc. I would worry when I wouldn't get comments...obviously no one cared about what I had to say. I don't have a pretty blog with tons of followers. I don't have a pretty house to talk about. I'm not uber-talented in any one area that I can focus on and write about. I'm just a hodge-podge girl trying to do life as best as I can. And I'm SO tired of it. I'm SO tired of second-guessing the authenticity of the people I'm around. I'm SO tired of constantly wondering and worrying if I'm just someone that is 'put up with'. Cause that's pure craziness. I think. (See, there I go again.) No, it is. It's lies. All a pack of lies. And I think it has gotten worse over these past few months because of what I'm getting involved in with trafficking and Engage58 (that's our group at church...more about that later). I'm heading into territory that the enemy doesn't want messed with and he's throwing arrows.
The sad part is that I know exactly how to combat it. I know that I just need to pick up that dusty Bible, get on my knees, and surrender. So why don't I? Why don't I fight back? It's so simple, yet so very powerful. There are promises in that Book. There are tools and weapons for the taking. Oh, how does He even put up with me sometimes? My heart desires it but my flesh is so, so lazy. I hate admitting that. That I can be lazy. But maybe that's exactly what needs to be done. To put it out in the open. So yes, I'll say it. I'm Lazy. Ick. What a unattractive personality trait. I'm not sure why. My dad was anything but lazy. He worked, still does work, hard. He was an excellent example. Mom too. Huh. Something to ponder.
So, coming full circle, that's why I took a break. I needed to know exactly why I sat down at the computer to talk about my life. Was I trying to be something I'm not? Was I trying to glamorize my life? Was I searching for validation through the comments of readers? Maybe. It's easy to do. Although how pathetic when you have like 5 readers! : )
I've decided to keep it up. I want a record of life, not just for me but for the kids. I want them to know about the struggles going on during their childhood so they can know the faithfulness of a loving God. To know my thoughts and love for them. I want my parents to be able to see pictures and hear stories since we are living life 2,000 miles apart.
It won't always be pretty, but it will always be true.
9 comments:
Thanks Andrea for being real! The world needs more "real" people! I like you just the way you are!!
Sheila
I could sign my name at the end of that blog because everything you said I feel too! You put it in much better words than i would've! Thanks for being real and I am a big time reader and love to hear what you guys are up to and love the pictures!! Love you friend!
Hi Andrea,
I read your blog, which I enjoyed and appreciated immensely, thought about commenting, then thought about doing something else. I said to myself, 'Self, don't be lazy!'
So here I am commenting, because you have inspired me to look at areas of my own life where I don't do what I should do. Thank you. You are awesome!
Conrad.
Andrea,
You have voiced exactly how I felt as a young mother and still feel sometimes. I would let my insecurites take over and I got so weary of the daily battle in my mind! After going thru a couple hard years, I am finally learning that through those battles and trials comes a peace that can not be described. Don't give up! It is very easy to say you should turn everything over to the Lord, but it is extremely hard to live that out, not impossible, but an ongoing battle. Some day we can shed our armor and rest for eternity! Until then, keep blogging, it is an encouragment to your brothers and sister in the Lord.
Love, Corinne'
I love how real you are, Andrea. I'm a big fan, you are so very talented and you have an adorable family. I love your passion to make a difference in our world, and not be satisfied in just having everything pretty and perfect. Keep up your blog, your children will be blessed by it. Our battles will be ongoing as long as we dwell here on earth, but we know we are on the victorious side and one day it will all be peace forevermore!
I agree with everyone ~ keep up blogging! You have a way of writing that is very refreshing because you are real. And we need more real people in this blogging world! And in real life! Love you!!
You are a gem, Andrea. Like yourself, I could just as easily sign MY name to your post! (Though I LOVE your candid writing talents all for your own credit - wonderful!!!) The enemy wreaks havoc on us - and you've called him out, girl! You have no idea the power you hold when you call his bluff and appropriate your true identity! Your a daughter of God! And one that I am blessed to know, admire, and love! ps...I had lost your blogger address and have wanted to "catch up" with you several times since we were there...is there a way to know via email or something when you post, so I know to go read and be blessed by you? Head up, friend. Thanks for the "spot o' honesty" that more of us who are brave and honest, can totally identify with! Love you! Kel
I appreciate you, your family, your story, your journey. Thanks for sharing with the world. I enjoy it when you do.
I have been keeping up with our blogs! I love to hear all that is going on in your lives and everytime I read your posts I think back to the "good ol' days"! I, too, have been feeling very similar to what you are going through. Feeling like what I am doing in useless and doesn't matter, feeling discouraged in my parenting...blah blah blah! You are an encouragement to me (12 years ago and today)!
Meghan
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