I am in processing mode right now. This post may be random and hard to follow but I have to think out loud for a minute. First, I love my church. The sermons are easy to relate to and applicable which fits my style. Sunday the pastor was talking about kings and priests and how you are one of those, and you shouldn't try to be the other. Priests are those in full-time ministry...you receive a paycheck from a church or missions organization, etc... Kings are the rest of the world. Average Joes and Josephines working the grind. Now you can be a King and still be involved in ministry, but you should never try to become a pastor cause it isn't your calling. And you can be a Priest and be wise with your money but you should never try to become a financial adviser (are you getting the idea?). Anyways, that leaves me stuck. Matt felt strongly that God spoke to him during this teaching about some decisions we were throwing around and that he is a King. Well, that is great for him but I began to wonder...what about me? I was a priest(ess?) for a while, then worked at a bank and took on the role of King. We then went back into Priest(hood?) in LA and left again to enter the land of Kings. So here is my question...1) can we be both? and 2) if Matt is a King does that mean I have to be a King or can I still be a Priest? Are you confused yet cause I am. I've really been wrestling lately with purpose. I am first and foremost a mom and that is a high and noble calling...but I also know in my heart that I was created for more. I miss traveling to countries and helping those in need, my heart feels a tug everytime I hear a story of injustice, I want young women in my life that feel they can turn to me and trust me with their hearts. This is my battle right now. I don't know why we are in Colorado. I am lonely and desperate for friends with kids. I miss my family and Matt's family and wish there was a grandma around to help out once in a while. I keep thinking that if I was doing more I would be happier, but I'm starting to realize that thought could be a lie. We are in the midst of having to make some business decisions and I feel like something is going to change in a large way...I only wish I knew what.
Well, there you have it. If you made it through the randomness I applaud you. And those of you that read this that I trust with my heart...be honest, I can take it!
7 comments:
What verses was he teaching out of? I have never heard this taught on so I'd like to read the scriptures he's referencing.
hmm.... interesting. i think that you can be both, and that you dont have to be one or the other because Matt is whatever. make sense? Remember that you can also be ANYWHERE and do ANYTHING and that can be your ministry. So now you are a full time (awesome) mom. Which is a ministry in itself. And just because you want to do more, you shouldnt have to feel bad about it.
If you feel called to be a "priest" then I think that is something that can work, even if matt is called to be a "king". maybe the idea of ministry will just look a little different than what you are thinking. But you can do a whole bunch of injustice type ministry from your home...in CO. all this rambling to say...God brought you 2 together, He knows what Hes doing.
:)
My thoughts are these: you can have your cake and eat it too, but maybe not fresh out of the oven when you want it. Maybe it has to cool first, giving you the opportunity to do other things (i.e. be a mother). Almost daily I think there is so much more I could/should be doing with my life/myself, but then I remember that there is no higher calling than what we are doing right now. That is not so say you do not have amazing things in store for you, or that you cannot do many of them now, but I think often as mothers we feel like there is so much we could be doing outside the walls of our home and lose focus on the little ones we are molding within those walls. Andrea, you have your head on straight and you know what is best for your family. If your husband knows he needs to be a King and you are teetering between the two, wait for it. Treading water should not be frowned upon because it builds the strength necessary to carry you to shore when the time is right.
Hi Andrea,
We look forward to seeing you in Dec. Maybe we can discuss what our purposes are. I can totally identify with you!! It's very hard to get through each day when you feel like you are living life in a fog and questioning what your purpose is. I do have to go back and remind myself that no matter how confused I am, God is not confused! I love the analogy your friend used about treading water. That is certainly a good way to describe how we have been feeling and it does get very tiring! But in these times we can also work at making ourselves be content in the fog. Maybe not content WITH the fog, but allow these times to really make ourselves press in to God and to wrestle through whatever we are facing. I really look forward to the days when we can look back and say "Oh, that is why we went through that time in our life." God is faithful, even when we don't know what the heck is going on! This is what I have to trust in!!
Andrea,
I know I've really struggled being at home full time. I know it's what I'm supposed to do, but like you said, I also feel like there's a lot more that I could be doing to help other people. At least when I was teaching I was able to reach out to kids that were struggling and try to help them, and it was fulfilling. Not that being a mom isn't fulfilling, but it's a different kind of fulfilling. Anyway, here's what helps me: Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8. I just think there are different seasons in our lives. There's a time to be single, a time to travel, minister, etc. and there's also a time to build a home life and sort of stay put--not that it's right for everyone, but I don't think it's bad to spend part of your life just focusing on your family. If you look at it in the long term, once your girls are both in school all day, you'll have some more time to pursue those things that interest you (unless, of course, you decide to have more kids :) Mike and I totally plan to spend time doing missionary work after our kids our grown, and are looking forward to that "season," but for now, we're focusing on this season. Not that it's easy, mind you--at times I'd love to skip the mortgage payment and go travel instead! Anyway, there's my two cents.
Hmmm. I have lots of thoughts on this. Dean Sherman would say that we are all the body of christ and there for we are all ministers. There is no such thing as "in" ministry or "out" of ministry. We are all ministers and there is no such thing as "just working at a bank." I would think he would say that wherever you are--the people around you are your ministry. He would also ask you what you are passionate about and then say: "DO it." But sometimes we have to do the things we're passionate about in a creative way...now I'm rambling. Because I am tired. Maybe we could process outloud about all of this over COFFEE on a DATE in your freezing state in a few weeks!! :)
I think you have a lot of wise friends and a lot of great words have been shared here. I think the "priest/king" thing can be simplified to say that God has given us our gifts and to go in another direction from our gifts is unwise and it's going to be a lot more difficult than sticking with your giftings. I think Karisse's point is right on, we are all in ministry and I think the sermon may have been a bit too "concrete"- not a bad thing but no room for easy application in a situation like yours.
I also hear you struggling with being away from ministry in LA. Again Karisse (you're pretty cool) had it right, GET CREATIVE. You're where you are- physically and emotionally for a reason. Don't run from it, sit in it and get CREATIVE.
Also your value as a mother is not at all in question. Don't down play the importance of yourself as a person. You have to be satisfied and fulfilled in order to be the best mom you can.
there you go... not sure if that made any sense! Aly
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